tour twenty two- representation matters

so you know that quote which goes "be the person you needed when you were younger?"

if you had asked me as a child what i wanted to be when i grew up, "nonbinary paramedic/plush possum and possum accessories mogul" would have never been my answer (i probably would have said "a cat"). even ten years ago it was not even something i'd be able to conceive of to work for the department. although we now have one of the most diverse and highest percentage of female firefighters/EMS in the country, it wasn't always that way. i remember in 2013 when i got into EMS in the bay area it was rare to see women on ambulances, much less asian women. 2017 stats said that some 16% of EMS workers in the California are asian and 47% of those asians identify as female. i think i can count the number of east asian femme-presenting coworkers in the entire city on two hands, even with the bay area's huge population of asians.

i constantly got remarks of "you don't LOOK like a paramedic" and i know that's people saying i'm not the 6 foot tall white man they expected to show up to care for them. there's a lot of little ways you get told you don't belong somewhere, from the uniforms not being made for your body, men constantly assuming you can't carry your own equipment, to being ignored when people make a beeline to your white male partner instead.

what i guess i'm trying to say is it's hard to imagine a life for yourself if:

1. your parents told you there are only 4 valid careers (doctor, lawyer, scientist, accountant) and your siblings both went into STEM and everything you want to be will make you poor

2. there was absolutely no representation in media or real life of anyone who looked like you doing the EMS career path. whites have the luxury of being legacies in fire departments, having relatives or friends in the field, and seeing themselves in every 911/emergency-based tv show.

3. the business niche that you found completely didn't exist and you were probably the 1st one to ever exclusively sell possum things

4. the term nonbinary recently got introduced into society's collective consciousness and even in high school when your struggle with gender really had a chance to flare up, the closest thing you knew of was androgyny

i know i do not fit any mold of what paramedicine has looked like, as i am constantly reminded by patients, their families, nurses, doctors, and coworkers. i'm a unicorn even in the most inclusive and diverse EMS system there is. i don't know how long i will stay in EMS, but i do hope my presence on the ambulance shows a wider group of people that they can make it here too.