tour 6 day 1- the slow grind

i really went off in the comic today because I am so ANGRY. the way this administration has been dealing with this situation is laughable. also I am having residual anger from working five days in a row last tour. working that many days consecutively:

• rots my soul

• i get angry and closer to death

• i'm not being dramatic I just have bad brain and working a lot makes me not take care of myself and it flips my suicidal ideation switch that tells me I want to be dead

• i don't think I want to be alive past my early thirties so why am I making extra money? literally no reason because I don't have a future in the mortal plane

it's not even that anything particularly bad or interesting happened on day 5. tour 5 day 5 I had my third DOA in about six work days and it didn't even register because this job blunts your reactions to things that are usually weighty. you see trauma every day and your brain says "oh another dead alcoholic? nah put this memory straight in the trash cause nothing about him or his apartment stands out enough for you to ponder his life." and it's not even like people in EMS say that to be "tough" or cool or something. the ambnesia kicks in and you literally forget how many calls you've run in the day or what your patients were like. everything blends together into a faceless shape of WRITHING MISERABLE HUMANITY that demands your attention for whatever their perceived problem is